Battered.

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Between these eyes, a dark pit
Senseless nothings
Pried open and he is here to stay.

Played tug of war for years
In. Out. Fall.
Loved too hard, too fast
They tell you to snap out of the hurt
But that hurt defines this mind like no other.
The first stab at innocence. The first touch. Yearning.
The high you feel, scared you’ll never be able to feel it again, so you stay.

That’s what people like him do.
Dementor he is. Blowing halos out of ashes, making the death of you look beautiful.
Curiosity is the art that strikes him.
He convinces you that you are not enough.
Not through the murmur of his soft lips, but through his prying eyes that looks at other flesh with desire.
So you present your body as an apology for not being everything and more.

You cover your wounds and throw it as far back as you can.
Hit. Slap. Punch. Pull.
The scars are here to stay. While the battered heart is left lingering.
There should be no room for such agony, you say.
But there he comes again and sweeps you off your feet.

He knows how to console you.
His fingers hold your aching mind and he speaks a song of love… of forever.
It awakens all hope that was lost. And you go in search of pulp in the desert.
Disappointed that his empty promises couldn’t save you.
You close your eyes and re-live the short moments that you once smiled.
Re-born every time, just to die again.
Short-lived but tender, so you crave… you go back, addicted to hopelessness.

After all is said and done, I guess I’m here…
You say he loves you
But please remember he once said he loved me too.

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Relationships.

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The boundaries created by man amuse me. Boundaries made in vain and insecurity. Don’t talk to him, your boyfriend will get mad. Don’t dance with her, your girlfriend will be jealous. Does your partner know you are here tonight? We lose ourselves in the presence of love…. Forgetting what we want in order to please the person we dearly care for. Admiration and love should be ongoing, contagious, bottomless. I admire many… and I fall in love time and time again…. With people’s smiles, their thoughts, passions and sometimes even the way they eat.

I am a woman who is in a wonderful relationship with a handsome young man, but I admire not only him. There are many other men and women that I have fell in awe with… their words consume my interest. Through them I learn… I live…  Being in a relationship, does not mean you are dead… senseless to what the world has to offer.

We are so afraid of being cheated on, we put up walls and trap the ones we love. We stop them from experiencing new feelings… we don’t allow them to grow as individuals, because we are scared they will change without us… so we suffocate them with what we think is affection…. poison, draining the life that we once loved… making love miserable.

We find the need to prove that we are faithful. So we limit interactions, always reporting and checking in…. No new friends… Even if we make any, we need to make sure they know we are “taken”…. We allow labels to depict our behaviour, so our partners can feel safe….

Why…

You Owe Me Nothing.

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From the day I bring you home, I promise to make you feel warm… with my kisses, my love, my soul. If you fall and hurt your fragile little body, I will tell you to cry, then hug you till the hurt goes away. I promise to learn as we grow together. I am no better than you. I may be older, but I still have a lot to learn. I will admit to it. I will say sorry and thank you. I will allow you to guide me, just like how I will guide you. When your heart is broken, I will sit beside you in silence and take in the pain, as we cry together. I want you to feel safe. This world can be ugly, but you will be strong enough to face it. If you ever feel alone in the chaos, I will be there. Be that noise, slip, fall, scream, break. Let life take its course. No judgement. I will be your crutches. Lean on me love. You owe me nothing.

Tick Tock.

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The words “everything will be okay” can make a world of a difference to someone who is hurting. It’s this blind assurance we all seek for… We want someone to jump in and save us from the heartache…

With this being said, every individual is entitled to sadness. It’s this unsaid right we all have. You are allowed to be upset and, it’ll be okay. Tears are not a sign of weakness and, anger is not a sign of strength. There is no such thing as a stupid problem. Humans are meant to have emotions. To each their own.

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We live in a world that is racing time. We act like we are going to get an Olympic gold medal at our funeral for living a meaningless life. People are too busy to sit down and chat about beautiful nothings. We seek happiness in all the wrong places… temporary, transitory, pathetic. Since when did the inability to express emotion become the new fad? We stress out about taking business communication courses, but forget how to communicate our feelings. We hug less, text more. Visit less, call more. etc. etc. etc. We have turned into drones of convenience.

Take a break from your busy life and be that shoulder for someone to lean on. Make a stranger on the bus smile. Take a moment and compliment someone on the street. Take those ear phones out and listen to the silly conversations around you. Hug. Pay a visit to a friend or family member, and just spend some time. Tell them about your day, ask them about theirs. And never forget to say I love you…

Unfortunate.

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We bury ourselves in a pile of nothings
Expecting to physically touch happiness
Indulging in a sense of urgency
To feel significant
To forget all that is wrong with this world
We fight time, nature, emotions
We poison ourselves and lay in lust
Afraid of being alone
Waiting for others to confirm our self-worth
With numbers. With paper. With metal.
Unfortunate.

First World Issue.

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We sit on our cozy couches
Judging the world

-He is a terrorist
-I heard that country is at fault
-These protestors are taking over the streets
-Look at them causing chaos, trying to get attention
– Are we paying more taxes because of them?
-Why can’t these people just be normal?

Given limitless access to education,
But we still educate ourselves through gossip
And popular media

No one has time for our privileged opinions
We are not the ones starving,
Or dying from the lack of fresh water,
Rape, gunshots, bombs, abuse
Children cut up and tossed
Women raped and thrown naked onto the streets

These people are deprived
Deprived of …
Love, hope, sanity, trinity…
Their voices have been torn out of their throats
Not a single soul has the courage to ask, why?

And here we are on our cozy couches
Pointing and bickering
About our first world issues
Shame on us.

Numb.

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He set on a journey
Between my five year old legs
Puncturing a hole, leaving me dead
Family, trust, guidance…
Bullshit.

Let me tell you a few words you don’t want to hear,
molestation, pedophilia, incest, rape.
Why do we struggle to articulate these words?
Why do we close our eyes and cape the pain?
It’s because we praise the culture of disguise
We demise confrontation
With self, with love, with sex
But that is not what this is about…
This is about the confusion I felt when he touched me
The illusion called love that tainted my heart
The struggle to forget and, not knowing how to accept
The responsibility she had when I told her
Why didn’t she make it stop?
Lies, she lied, he lied
So, I lied.
Whirl wind of secrets.
Basket of presents
I thought I was special.
So, I shut up.
Then I asked, I pleaded, the fingers won’t stop,
Up and in
I ran, he caught
But it was all in my head
I said, she said
But why didn’t it stop?